Let’s Get This Over With: A Beginning

Okay, you want to know why cryptocurrency has value. That’s good. Fun. I love that for you. If I had a $1 for every time someone asked me this, I could purchase half of a Starbucks Iced Vanilla Shaken Espresso with oat milk today. Prices are going up a lot, though.

Money isn’t just about sparkling coins and crumpled bills anymore. It’s also about trusting people online and Wi-Fi connections. What about digital money? Yes, it’s like the cool kid in high school. No one knows why everyone thinks they’re cool, but we all just go with it now.

You should check your Venmo balance again since this will shock you.

Because we all agreed that it does. I mean it.

It’s amusing but true that cryptocurrency is worth something because people have the same short attention span as a TikTok video and the same herd mentality as sheep. A lot of people say something is worth something, so it is.

How about diamonds? Rocks that are shiny but don’t accomplish anything. Shoes? Making goods in sweatshops.
Toast with avocado? For genuine, mush on toast.

But if a lot of people yell “valuable” into the abyss, it becomes valuable. What is a currency that is digital? It’s the same thing. A gang of nerds (and let’s be honest, Reddit trolls) declared, “Yes, this matters,” so you can use your weird digital coin to buy a secondhand Toyota Corolla in Miami.

Cryptocurrency is like a big group project where the grade isn’t genuine, but for some reason, everyone thinks it’s worth trading real U.S. dollars for. Not real.

The Magical Unicorn Named Scarcity

Oh, you think that scarcity just works for expensive bags? Nope. The oldest trick in the book is to make something a limited edition, and that’s how cryptocurrency persuaded people to buy it.

There can only be 21 million bitcoins, just like there can only be 21 million Kardashians. So, even if your roommate spends all day mining for crypto in his basement while inhaling in Monster Energy fumes, the price won’t suddenly go up like the dollar menu at McDonald’s did after 2008.

Demand suggests that something is hard to find. People believe that demand is the same as value. Now you have to tell your grandma why people trade false money for real things online.

And if you think this is stupid, keep in mind that we did it to ourselves. People made digital scarcity more popular than a pumpkin spice candle that only comes out once a year. We now call it “financial innovation.”

Tech Dudes Like to Use the Word “Blockchain”

Have you ever heard folks who are interested cryptocurrency casually toss the word “blockchain” into a sentence like they’re trying out for Shark Tank? Blockchain is just a really advanced spreadsheet, but let’s all pretend it’s magic for your money.

This is what it is: Tech dudes made this network ledger sound so great that they made it sound like cryptocurrency was the finest thing since sliced bread. Everyone thought it was true. Why? It’s not cool to say you don’t really get blockchain.

That’s how it is when your coworker talks about how great intermittent fasting is. You agree because it sounds smart and scientific, but actually you’re simply saying, “Okay, Chad, you missed lunch.” “Don’t worry.”

People assume cryptocurrencies are smart because the words are hard to understand. This is what really makes them worth more.

Because Regular Money Didn’t Work for Us

What gives crypto its value? The U.S. dollar is like that flaky friend who says they’ll “Venmo you back” but never does.

What does inflation mean? Not in charge. Pay? Haha. The housing market? Did you really believe you could buy a yard before you turned 40?

So, certainly, people thought that bitcoin was a big “screw you” to normal money. I thought, “I’d rather be cheated by a decentralized algorithm than a bank.”

Crypto is a way to invest that stops people from becoming angry. Millennial anger is acting like they know how to handle money. Yes, I agree with you.

Because Elon Tweeted About It Once

This is the most ridiculous but also the most true reason. Well done!

If a rich techie who likes rockets tweets a picture of a Shiba Inu, you’ve made it in the culture. Cryptocurrency has this strange effect on famous individuals that is built in. Elon Musk literally made Dogecoin worth a billion dollars by making memes about it.

A Kardashian might sell detox tea in this world, and it “adds value.” So why wouldn’t a billionaire’s “sh*tpost” bring in money?

To be honest, bitcoin is more about how it makes you feel and how influencers market it than it is about money.

Yes, the worth is there. Because Elon told you with his thumbs. Science.

You Made It to the End!

That’s all you need to know. People think cryptocurrency “has value” because they’re all crazy, there isn’t enough of it, computer geniuses made up words that no one understands, and billionaires tweet memes.

If you’re still here, congrats on getting through the mess of real life and my caffeine-fueled brain dump.

Will this information help you make a lot of money? Not at all. But you can at least act clever in conversations today.

Now go get your iced latte with real American money before it loses value.