The Financial Glow-Up That No One Told You About

Let’s be honest: being an adult is mostly about paying expenses you didn’t know you had and pretending you know what things like compound interest mean. People on TikTok are telling you to “build passive income streams” all of a sudden, even when they just DoorDashed Taco Bell at 2 a.m. last night.

So, of course, you start to wonder: Should I invest my money in the stock market or buy a rental property and become the landlord that everyone makes jokes about? Spoiler: Neither one will guarantee that you can retire on a yacht in Miami while drinking expensive cold brew. But if you want to know which awful choice seems a little less stupid, let’s go over it.

Stocks: Like Vegas, but with More Spreadsheets

The stock market is the best grown-up casino, you know? Instead of slot machines, you have CNBC anchors yelling about the “Dow dropping 200 points” like it’s the end of the world.

Get a Tesla at 9 AM. At 11 AM, there was panic since it dropped 12%. You tell yourself that this is “a long-term play” while you devour a whole family-sized bag of Doritos to deal with your stress.

What about the apps? When you use Robinhood, you feel like a wolf of Wall Street, but then you remember that wolves don’t look for financial advice on Reddit. Yes, Reddit. It’s likely that a guy named stonk_lord69 knows more about money than your real financial counselor.

If you use the word “YOLO” in your financial approach, you might want to think about your life choices again.

But stocks are easy to sell. You can get your money right away, like breaking up with someone over text instead of having long chats over breakfast.

Rental Properties: Congratulations, You’re a Landlord, and Everyone Hates You

Some people think that buying a rental is the best way to show power. You buy a nice little duplex, rent it out, and boom! You have passive income right away.

Check the facts: your tenants are untidy, your plumbing hates you, and all of a sudden you’re looking for “how to unclog an entire toilet with a spatula.”

Think about this:

• Your tenant contacts you at two in the morning to say that the air conditioning is “making a weird noise.”
• What else creates a strange noise? Your mind leaving your body.
• Someone wrote “Karen was here” on the wall you paid $1,200 to have painted last summer.

Taxes, repairs, property managers, and eviction regulations that make you wonder why you even bought a house when you could have just put your money on Netflix stock.

Yes, some people make a lot of money as landlords. Some folks also get to be on The Bachelor. The results are different.

There is No Such Thing as Passive Income, but Keep Dreaming

People love to say, “Make your money work for you.” That’s cool. You are the only thing that really works here, whether it’s the stock market or rental properties. You’re stressed out by spreadsheets and HOA emails.

Let’s stop dreaming:

• Market for stocks: In a technical sense, you don’t “own” anything real. You get a notification from the app saying you’re “up 137%” or “broke again.”
• Rental Properties: You own it, but also, congratulations, you’ve gotten yourself a second job. But this “job” means chasing down tenants for rent like you’re their clingy ex.

And certainly, the finance bros on TikTok will tell you that “real estate always wins.” It’s funny since your city’s property tax department does the same thing when your bill comes.

The Millennial and Gen Z Curse: Too Poor to Buy, Too Nervous to Trade

The harsh fact is this: Half of us can’t even pay our rent, let alone buy a rental property.

And what about stocks? That takes extra money, which is a fancy way of saying “money that Starbucks, Uber Eats, or crushing student loans haven’t already taken.”

Want to buy stocks? That’s cool. Put the money you have left over after paying $75 for Wi-Fi that cuts out every Zoom call into anything.

Looking for a rental? That’s fine; just put down a 20% deposit. Oh, wait, you can’t because eggs cost $7.

In short, millennials and Gen Z have to listen to boomers complain about how easy it was to “just buy a house back in the day.”

Yes, Barbara, houses didn’t cost $200,000 back then, and avocado toast wasn’t a thing.

Which One Is the Winner of This Sad Contest?

Surprise: neither.

Rental properties are untidy, slow, and full of stress, whereas the stock market is flashy, rapid, and almost toxic. It’s like picking between dating a crazy TikTok star or a dull accountant who tells you how to keep track of your receipts every week.

If you’re young, broke, and sarcastic enough to be reading this, maybe the answer is to start small, not expect miracles, and realize that no one really has their financial life worked out. Not even the folks who are giving you advise.

Conclusion: Congratulations, You’re Still Broke but Smarter

Congratulations if you made it this far without quitting in a fit of wrath. You are already doing better than I am at paying attention.

You might not be able to retire at 35, whether you play the stock market or acquire rental properties. That’s fine. At least you’ll have memes, coffee, and the common pain of pretending that being a grownup isn’t hard. Make good investments, but also buy munchies. You will need these.

And let’s be honest: no matter what you select, you’ll still find a way to rethink your whole life at 2 AM while browsing through Twitter.

You might think of that one guy who turned $500 into “early retirement” money, but then you remember that he lives in a camper and showers at Planet Fitness.

So, the main point is that financial freedom is like a cooperative project where everyone claims they finished their homework. Some of us fake it on Instagram, some do it during networking events, and you—you just made it to the conclusion of this blog.

That suggests you know enough about money to be harmful. Now go ahead, brave person, and lose your money in a smart way.