The Great Mystery of Our Time: An Introduction
Cryptocurrency is going up again, oh look. Take a deep, soothing breath and drink your oat milk latte. This rollercoaster doesn’t stop; it merely destroys your spirit at higher heights. You go on Twitter and notice that Bitcoin is trending. All of a sudden, your college roommate, who used to eat ramen for 73 days in a row, is a “investment adviser.” Adorable.
So, why is crypto going up like a gym bro before a workout? Is it logic? What about economics? How stable is the government? Nope. There are times of turmoil, greed, and Elon Musk memes. Let’s tear up this steamy financial tortilla and find out exactly why the number keeps going up, even though your folks still think it’s “fake Monopoly money.”
Because FOMO Is What We Use to Buy Things
Cryptocurrency isn’t going up because Warren Buffett altered his will; it’s going up because Americans can’t control themselves when they see candy. FOMO is the heavyweight champion of bad judgments that people make.
People freak out every time crypto goes up a little.
- “What if I miss out?”
- “What if this is my plan for retirement?”
- “What if I can finally show off on Instagram without renting a car?”
Spoiler: Most of you got in at the top, purchased the dip that wasn’t really a dip, and are now looking up “how to sell a kidney legally” when it lowers.
But FOMO doesn’t care. It gets into TikTok, Reddit, and even your group chat where Kyle continues saying, “Bro, trust me.” Kyle, you can trust the financial advise from the guy who failed Intro to Macroeconomics.
FOMO means prices go rise. Period.
Because Scarcity Is Attractive (Apparently)
You know how sneakerheads go crazy over “limited drops”? Everyone on Earth just agreed that scarcity is sexier than Chris Evans with a puppy. Cryptocurrency is the same kind of game. Bitcoin has a limit, and Ethereum updates make the supply smaller. All of a sudden, it feels like a Costco free sample day, except with digital money.
Not a lot of things → People desire them more.
People want them more → The price goes rise.
Welcome to Economics 101, brought to you by capitalism that doesn’t pay attention.
It’s stupid, it’s easy to guess, and to be honest, it always works. You’re not buying “digital gold.” You’re purchasing the idea that you’re smarter than the other person, which is what capitalism has always been.
Because Billionaires Can’t Keep Their Mouths Shut
Another explanation for the rise in cryptocurrency? Rich guys who have too much Wi-Fi. Did Elon tweet a picture of a dog? Dogecoin rises. Mark Cuban casually says, “We’re taking crypto payments.” Boom! The coin blows up.
This isn’t Wall Street; it’s just influencer marketing with worse hairstyles. We should all be horrified that so many cryptocurrencies are dancing harder than teens on TikTok because millionaires are bored. But instead, we nod and say, “That makes sense.” Let’s put money into it!
Just think about it: the value of crypto depends on whether or not a wealthy nerd posts a meme. This is like living in a frat house for the stock market: messy, crazy, and maybe even profitable if you’re drunk enough.
Because Regular Money Feels Like Monopoly Money In Any Case
You already know that the U.S. dollar is about as reliable as your ex’s pledge to change if you’ve bought groceries recently. Now, eggs cost as much as rent. Starbucks charges $7 for ice and disappointment. Apartments are like extra levels in video games that only the privileged can get to.
When the dollar seems like a hoax, cryptocurrency starts to look less like a Ponzi scheme and more like a fun way to make extra money. It’s not that crypto is more stable (ha, don’t make me laugh-snort my coffee), it’s that the dollar feels like it’s gaslighting us every day.
People don’t think banks, governments, or fiat money can do anything other than help billionaires buy more boats. So crypto is the “at least I’m picking my scam” choice.
Because Markets Are Just Feelings Now
Don’t think about “supply and demand.” Don’t worry about “economic fundamentals.” Pure vibes, memes, and performance art are what keep Wall Street and crypto going now.
What is making cryptocurrencies go higher today?
- Because Reddit said it was true.
- Someone posted a TikTok with a popular sound and the words “buy now.”
- Someone thought it was true because your coworker Stacy put “Web3 Enthusiast” on her LinkedIn.
Vibes, not steadiness, are what markets are founded on these days. Do you remember when GameStop’s stock shot up for no other reason than Reddit people waking up and deciding to be violent? That’s how things are now.
Everyone is pretending to be “financially literate” while playing harder than they would in Las Vegas on a Saturday night. These are not investments. They’re festivals of memes with charts.
Because Hope Is a Terrible Drug
People want to believe, thus at the end of the day, bitcoin is going up. They want to believe they will hit the jackpot. Instead of going to Zoom meetings where their boss says “circle back” for the 78th time, they want to believe they will retire at 40 and drink margaritas on a balcony.
Crypto doesn’t make sense; it makes you want to do things. It hangs the promise of freedom in front of your face like an MLM hangs “financial independence” on Facebook. Hope sells better than anything else because people want to get away.
And when people buy hope, the numbers invariably go up.
Conclusion: You Played Yourself, So Congrats
There it is. Why is the price of cryptocurrency going up? Because people are untidy, selfish little machines that produce havoc. Because FOMO, billionaire tweets, inflation anguish, scarcity, vibes, and the medicine of optimism all work together to change the pixels on a chart.
You made it to the conclusion of this blog, which means one of two things:
- You are putting off work again.
- You assume I would tell you what coin to buy.
Spoiler alert: I won’t. But hey, at least now you have the sarcastic cheat sheet to help you pretend you know why your cousin Brad is suddenly “up 300%.”
Now, look at your Coinbase app like it’s Tinder and hope someone swipes right.
